Monday, March 28, 2016

Since I've run out of lovers to write about I'm going to focus on a different kind of relationship, friendship. My best friend and I haven't been close for long but that doesn't matter. I met Evan Sutta way back in elementary school but we were never close. He was a cool friend but I don't know we just never really clicked well. Middle school was the same, we were in the band together and we would talk but rarely hang out even though he lived down the street from me. In 10th grade everything changed. We grew really close. I don't know what happened just one day in anatomy we started to talk and then we began hanging out almost every weekend. Now we hangout almost every day. I don't know where I would be without him. He has always been there for me no matter what and I have done the same for him. Whether he is having girl troubles or family problems I always have his back. There have been so many times I call him crying at 2A.M and he comes over with junk food and a movie and cuddles with me until I fall asleep and even sometimes he sleeps over. We are so close our parents don't care because they know our relationship is honest and innocent. I greateful for him and I hope to stay in touch after graduation even though we will be attending different schools.
After everything I've been through during these past two years I was honestly ready to be alone. I'm tired of the drama relationships bring and I'm tired of always getting taken advantage of and bullied. I was perfectly content with being alone and spending more time with friends and especially family members. But like always life likes to throw you a curve ball and I can't help myself, I'm a hopeless romantic and I love people. A girl by the name of Jennifer or as I knew her (brobeanzz) followed me on twitter. At first I thought nothing of it and I followed back because I follow back almost everyone that follows me. Anyways days go by and she starts to blow up my notifications. I don't get many notifications on twitter because I don't have many followers so she was very noticeable. It got to the point where it was becoming very irritating to me so I direct messaged her asking her, "So are you gonna just retweet everything or are you ever going to talk to me and say hi?". She responded, "Lol I hadn't noticed tbh". And from there we exchanged numbers and texted one another all day everyday. This girl is exactly like me, it's almost like she's a clone of me. We had to meet in person I couldn't stand the tension anymore so one day we arranged a little ice cream date. We were just as compatible in person as we were on our phones. The rest is honestly history. Normally the both of us hate clingy people and we hate being clingy but we can't get enough of each other. She's different from anyone I've ever met before. So far we seem to really like each other and although it's only been a month of us flirting and hanging out with one another I hope that it can continue. She is such a breath of fresh air that I desperately wanted. Whether we end up dating or not I hope to have her in my life because she is a very good influence and a very fun person to be around. 

Friday, March 11, 2016

I started to become curious for girls. I always found them attractive but I never wanted to do anything with them sexually until a close friend of mine started to flirt with me non stop and give off major hints. I'm going to keep her name a secrete because of our extensive past. Anyways the tension between us built up until one day I just went to her house and we confessed our feelings. We both agreed that we wanted a friends with benefits relationship or an open relationship, so I thought. Due to us hanging out so much she caught feelings for me and started to make me do things for her like walk her to class, kiss her on the cheek in public, and many more things a person in a relationship would do for their significant other. I had no problem doing those things for her because she was my friend and I cared for her. But soon I too caught feelings for her. After that it was all downhill. We were confused on our feelings for each other, our sexualities, and our relationship. The stress and pressure became too much to bare until one day she just had enough and ignored me. We didn't talk for a week. I thought it would be good if we had some space to collect our thoughts and have a break. But the next day at school she's holding hands with who I thought was a good friend. I will also keep this new girl's name private. Either way they became a couple almost overnight and it shocked the entire school. They didn't even know each other the previous week but it's in the past anyways. Both girls blocked me on all social media and they desperately try to get my attention everyday but I ignore them. I wish we could all be friends or again at least friendly with one another but oh well. My peers come up to me everyday saying how she "down graded" and how I could do so much better anyways and that makes me sad. She was a good friend of mine and I really miss all of the wonderful times we shared together. Yes our relationship was a mess but she was one of the best friends I've ever had.  Maybe one day we can smile and wave at one another instead of ignoring each other but either way I'm happier without her in my life. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I've never felt better. I'm glad this happened now just in time for the end of my senior year.
It was the end of the summer and Austin and I have ended things for about two weeks. My friend Dustin hits me up (again on instagram in my DMs).  He asked me if I wanted to join him fishing one day and I agreed because I hadn't gone in awhile. Everything was great and he was really sweet to me and I really enjoyed our time together but I had no feelings for him. Dustin kept asking me to hangout and I agreed because every time we were together we had a lot of fun. We grew really close and I could tell he liked me more than I liked him. I thought that since he's going back to FGCU in a couple days there is no way he would ask me out or anything. When someone asks me out I can't say no, I feel so bad rejecting someone I get so nervous. Go figure the day he is supposed to leave he shows up to my house with flowers and asks me to be his girlfriend in front of my parents and I couldn't help but say yes. I felt terrible. I spent the next to months trying my best to end things but every time I would try he would break down in tears and I couldn't stand it. Eventually I got over my fear and broke up with him. I felt and still feel awful for doing that to him but I'm only human. To this day he hates me and blocked me on all social media and if he sees me in person he makes sure to flip me the bird. I just smile and wave and him. I wish we could be friends or at least friendly with one another but oh well.